June, 2010 | SeMeN SPeRmS SuPeR SiTe

Trees Older Than Jesus

  • What do Johnny Cash, nazis, jive-talking pimps, and blimps have in common? Not much, but they made great fodder for christian comic books back in the ’70s. Below are four complete, great/awful Spire comic books in PDF format, download away, sinners.
  • I still distinctly remember the weird and creepy sensation that came over me as I read the coverless Archie comic I found in the box. It featured all the familiar characters, going through their typical trials and tribulations at Riverdale High, and the artwork was the same as usual. Yet, as I read it, I felt as if it had been made in outer space. Something was off. Something seemed completely wrong. After finishing its twenty-eight pages, I had a feeling similar to that of being molested. Since it had no cover, it would not be until a few years later that I would discover exactly what it was that I had read. It was called Archie’s Something Else! written and drawn by an experienced Archie comics staffer named Al Hartley in 1975. It was over the top right wing, pro-Christian propaganda, cleverly disguised as a run-of-the-mill Archie comic.
  • One is 4,800-years-old!
  • Police said the woman’s companion, an off-duty Baltimore police officer, got into an argument and physical confrontation with Brown after they left the club Eden’s Lounge. His sister said there was no fight, and that her brother apologized and tried to walk away. What happened next is not in dispute — the officer pulled out his department issued Glock handgun and fired at the unarmed Brown 13 times from just a few feet away.
  • The Drew Street gang was for years one of the most dangerous street gangs in northeast L.A. Hooded gang members lurked behind parked cars and on apartment balconies. At night, tires squealed and gunshots echoed while neighbors huddled in their homes. In response to the nightly terror the City renamed the streets where the gang congregated Gay Street and Pansy Square. Overnight, after the name change, the gang no longer congregated there and crime decreased.
  • Coming in rectally — via one person — were a green cigarette lighter, cigarette rolling papers, a golf-ball size baggie of tobacco, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a one-inch-long smoking pipe and a small baggie of suspected marijuana, said Sgt. John Kruse, a Wenatchee Police Department spokesman. “We were all wondering, ‘How do you put all that up there?’ ” Kruse said. “The tobacco was pretty impressive; it was a good ounce.”
  • ☛ Montel Williams Smokes Pot at Conference
  • ☛ Catnip Cat Dildo
  • ☛ Justin Bieber Tells TV Staffer to Not ‘Fucking Touch Me’
  • Leck mich im Arsch (literally “Lick me in the arse”) is a canon in B-flat major composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
    Thanks Vince Wilt
  • As BP makes its latest attempt to plug its gushing oil well, news photographers are complaining that their efforts to document the slow-motion disaster in the Gulf of Mexico are being thwarted by local and federal officials–working with BP–who are blocking access to the sites where the effects of the spill are most visible. More than a month into the disaster, a host of anecdotal evidence is emerging from reporters, photographers, and TV crews in which BP and Coast Guard officials explicitly target members of the media, restricting and denying them access to oil-covered beaches, staging areas for clean-up efforts, and even flyovers.
  • That’s why when Israeli security forces kill more than 3,000 civilians in Gaza since 2001 and Palestinian rockets fired from Gaza kill 27 Israelis over the same time period, people can argue with a straight face that Israel’s self-defense needs require it to impose a crushing blockade on Gaza that has forced 10 percent of the population into chronic malnutrition.

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Smokin’ Elvis’ Toenails

Thanks to Brendan Donnelly for the gif

  • The Maniac lurks on crowded Tube platforms, taking his stand just behind the front ranks of oblivious passengers who are waiting for the train. In front of him, very near the platform edge and indeed too near to recover herself if something made her loose her balance, is his chosen victim a young woman. Then, as the train sweeps into the station, the Maniac gives her a short, abrupt but irresistibly powerful thrust in the back. She topples forward and …
  • From 1917 to 1942, a man named John R. Brinkley became very rich and famous for transplanting goat testicles (which he called “glands”) into thousands of men, who paid dearly for the procedure thinking that it would revive their libido. That hundreds died, thousands suffered terrible pain and were maimed and crippled for life from a dangerous, expensive and useless operation does not take away from the magnificent marketing genius and chutzpah of this titan of quacks.
  • “Work at Notting Hill Gate Tube station has recently uncovered these amazing advertising posters that date from c1956-1959 when the station’s lifts were removed and replaced by escalators.”
  • So… Norm gets off the plane in Tokyo, First day in town he walks past a Mcdonald’s in Shibuya and nearly shits himself. It seems somebody has illegally reproduced his artwork and made wallpaper out of it… Now its in nearly every Mc-D’s in Tokyo. -I smell a lawsuit.
  • And if he was hoping to catch boys, he had a weird way of doing it. Instead of point the lens at the window or door, he had it pointed toward the girl’s bathroom. Either he was hoping to catch a wayward restroom intruder, or he wanted to catch the girl in a state of undress.
  • A Philadelphia man was found not guilty on Monday of murdering a policeman who died 41 years after the defendant shot him.
  • On 5 June 1995 an adult male mallard (Anas platyrhynchos) collided with the glass façade of the Natuurhistorisch Museum Rotterdam and died. An other drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously for 75 minutes. Then the author disturbed the scene and secured the dead duck. Dissection showed that the rape-victim indeed was of the male sex. It is concluded that the mallards were engaged in an ‘Attempted Rape Flight’ that resulted in the first described case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard.
  • The American’s black lace corset resembling an offcast from the nearby Moulin Rouge cabaret has been the talk of the French Open, and the accompanying tight skin-colored knickers have raised just as many dumbstruck glares.
  • Once inside, he spray-painted elaborate graffiti on one side of a train, across one carriage. The Straits Times understands that the vandal, a 33-year-old Swiss national, cut through the fence of the depot along Xilin Avenue, in what is believed to be the first such case of vandalism here.
  • “Somehow, this damn parasite knows how to make cat urine smell sexually arousing to rodents, and they go and check it out. Totally amazing.” – Dr. Sapolsky
  • Spokespersons were advised never to assure the public that an ecosystem would be back to normal after the worst case scenario, which we are now living through. “No statements shall be made concerning any of the following: promises that property, ecology, or anything else will be restored to normal.” Even in BP CEO Tony Hayward’s new television commercial his assurance is an ambiguous, “We will make this right,” which does not specifically address preserving or restoring America’s Wetlands.
  • “You’d rather do 30 days in jail than have me tell you you can’t smoke dope?” the ignorant judge fumed. “Doesn’t that sound a little sick?” the judge asked, seemingly too dumb to get the irony of his dumbassery. “No, sir,” Balzer said. “It’s what the marijuana does for me.” “I think if I sat around smoking dope all day, it would probably help me out, too,” the proudly ignorant judge replied. Balzer said he only smoked marijuana at night, to ease his pain.
  • Toxicologists who studied Presley’s tissues isolated at least eight different barbiturates and narcotics—including Valmid, Quaaludes, codeine, Placidyl and phenobarbitol.

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A Lil’ Late, But, RIP Dennis Hopper

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    Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em

    • Onionskin Cloud Marble Sold At Auction For $4,025.00
    • On average, victims spent between three and eight hours a day occupied with the perceived smells, with 80 percent sniffing themselves, 68 percent excessively showering and 50 percent changing clothes multiple times. Sufferers trying to quell the scents turned to perfume (90 percent), gum (60 percent) and deodorant or mints (55 percent each), to no avail.
    • University of Reading researcher Mark Gasson has become the first human known to be infected by a computer virus. The virus, infecting a chip implanted in Gasson’s hand, passed into a laboratory computer. From there, the infection could have spread into other computer chips found in building access cards.
    • The words are actually some borrowed lyrics from the Detroit-based Electric Six rock band and its song “Danger! High Voltage.”
    • The world faces the nightmare possibility of fishless oceans by 2050 without fundamental restructuring of the fishing industry, UN experts said Monday. “If the various estimates we have received… come true, then we are in the situation where 40 years down the line we, effectively, are out of fish,” Pavan Sukhdev, head of the UN Environment Program’s green economy initiative, told journalists in New York.
    • A landmark case that pushed through laws banning the drug mephedrone – popularly known as “miaow miaow” – has come under strong criticism. A toxicology report of the two teenagers thought to have died from the drug showed neither had actually taken it. “Legal high kills two teens,” cried the Daily Express earlier this year. There followed a steady stream of stories in the UK media of the dangers of the then little known “legal high”. The government subsequently rushed through an emergency ban on the drug and related compounds that became law in early April. Although implicated in 27 deaths, a report by the International Centre for Drug Policy at University College London found it to be a contributing factor in just one. Today, this knee-jerk reaction came under further criticism following the negative toxicology tests.
    • An Englewood woman was shocked when her new driver’s license sent in the mail listed her address as ‘Eat Ass.’
    • Healless, a certified nurse’s assistant at Fair Oaks Health Care Center in Crystal Lake, allegedly would enter the patient’s room, roll her on her side, then poke holes in her fentanyl patch with a safety pin, Crystal Lake Deputy Police Chief Eugene Lowery said. The woman, who was mentally and physically incapacitated, didn’t realize what he was doing, police said. Healless would allegedly squeeze the fentanyl patch so the drug, a narcotic painkiller given to people in constant pain, would ooze out of the patch, and then he’d lick it off his fingers.
    • Devotees claim that ‘vodka eyeballing’ induces drunkenness faster than drinking it can, because it passes easily through the mucous membrane and enters the bloodstream directly through veins at the back of the eye, although some experts are sceptical about the claims and believe that since those who do it are usually already drunk, they simply convince themselves that it’s having such an effect.
    • He got his wave on!
    • He left the room and then returned with an aerosol can and cigarette lighter. Brooks “sprayed the contents of the can while holding a lighter to the fumes creating a sort of flame thrower” and burned the side of Weisman’s face to force him to admit he was a cop, reports state.
    • A court has ordered the arrest of a Polish priest suspected of sexually abusing a teenager in a Rio de Janeiro suburb and turning his parish home into what the judge described as an “erotic dungeon” for sex with adolescents, authorities said Friday. State prosecutors have accused Marcin Michael Strachanowski, 44, of handcuffing the 16-year-old former altar boy to a bed three years ago in the parish house where the priest lived and threatening to kill the youth if he spoke of the abuse. “I already know the flowers I will place on your coffin,” Strachanowski warned, according to prosecutors.
    • After the earthquake, guards roughed up the noisiest inmates and consolidated them into cells so crowded their limbs tangled, former prisoners said. With aftershocks jangling nerves, the inmates slept in shifts on the ground, used buckets for toilets and plotted their escape. The escape plan, set in motion on Jan. 19 by an attack on a guard, proved disastrous. With Haitian and United Nations police officers encircling the prison, the detainees could not get out. For hours, they rampaged, hacking up doors and burning records, until tear gas finally overwhelmed them. In the end, after the Haitian police stormed the compound, dozens of inmates lay dead and wounded, their bodies strewn through the courtyard and crumpled inside cells. The prison smoldered, a blood-splattered mess.
    • …A silver cup that offers a rare glimpse into the world of sex in ancient Rome. The cup features such explicit images of homosexual acts that it was once banned from America and museums refused to buy it. The Warren Cup is now one of the British Museum’s better known objects.
    • Ardi’s youth is the extreme of a disturbing trend. Data from the Central Statistics Agency showed 25 per cent of Indonesian children aged three to 15 have tried cigarettes, with 3.2 per cent of those active smokers. The percentage of five to nine year olds lighting up increased from 0.4 per cent in 2001 to 2.8 per cent in 2004, the agency reported.
    • Texas officers ultimately spent hours laboring to tag and remove up to 400 plants from a city park, discovering only after a battery of tests that they had been sweating over mere Horse Mint, a member of the mint family — effectively turning their ambitious drug bust into mere yard work.

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    Conjured by o~ SeMeN SPeRmS ~o on June 3, 2010

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