Ball Bat

Too Much Monkey Business

✦ Oscar de la Hoya Did Cocaine Stevie Nicks Style
Oscar de la Hoya encouraged model Angelica Marie Cecora to help him do cocaine using a body part other than his nose during an alleged, kinky romp at Manhattan’s Ritz Carlton hotel last March, she told Page Six. Cecora also claimed to us that the ex-boxing champ revealed to her he was molested by a female staffer in high school.
✦ 400 Yard Drug Tunnel Found in California, Another Found in Arizona
The discovery of a secret drug smuggling passage that stretched about 400 yards and linked warehouses in San Diego and Tijuana has lead to the seizure of an estimated 17 tons of marijuana, in what authorities say is one of the most significant narco-tunnels ever found. U.S. authorities seized about nine tons of marijuana inside a truck and at the warehouse in San Diego’s Otay Mesa area, said Derek Benner, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) special agent in charge of investigations in San Diego. Mexican authorities recovered about eight tons south of the border.Authorities spoke at a news conference near packages of seized dope festooned with labels of Captain America, Sprite and Bud Light. The markings are codes to identify the owners.
✦ A widespread shortage of the popular ADD pill is distracting a nation of Adderall users. Naturally, it’s all about Big Pharma profits.
If addiction is the kind of thing you think about a lot, it’s easy to overlook its significance in the cold, objective Realpolitik scheme of things, which is this: it’s a great fucking business model. From the British East India Company to the Bronfman clan to Duke University, history is redolent of abject mediocrities who owe their billions to Big Addiction.
✦ Palantir, the War on Terror’s Secret Weapon
A Silicon Valley startup that collates threats has quietly become indispensable to the U.S. intelligence community
✦ Kansas gov. says staff overreacted to teen’s tweet
When a high school senior tweeted that Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback “sucked,” among other invectives, reaction at the state Capitol led her principal to demand an apology. Instead, it was the Republican governor offering a mea culpa Monday, forced to admit to a self-described overreaction by his staff that subjected him to ridicule for efforts to police a teenager’s Internet musings. Emma Sullivan’s tweet from the back of a crowd listening to Brownback speak last week, and her subsequent refusal to write an apology letter, spurred several thousand supporters to rush to her online defense – boosting her Twitter following from 61 friends to more than 12,000 people in less than a week.
✦ Solid Proof That Weather Modification Projects Are Being Conducted All Over The United States
Most Americans still believe that our weather patterns are 100% natural and that our government has absolutely no control over the weather. Unfortunately, that is not the case at all. What you are about to read is evidence that weather modification is happening right now all over the United States. This is never acknowledged by our politicians and it is never talked about by the mainstream media. But it is very, very real. Weather modification programs in some parts of the country have been going on for many years and evidence of these programs is hidden in plain view. So does this mean that if we don’t like the weather we can just blame the government? Well, yes it does, but it also means that the government has been seriously messing around with our environment and there could be “unintended consequences” that are far more dramatic than any of us ever dared to imagine.
✦ The Limits of Preservation
The Minescape project by Los Angeles-based photographer Brett Van Ort looks at the ironic effects of landmines on the preservation of natural landscapes, placing woods, meadows, and even remote country roads off-limits, fatally tainted terrains given back to animals and vegetation.
✦ The future of airport security: Thermal lie-detectors and cloned sniffer dogs
After the EU’s announcement that it will ban “backscatter” x-ray body scanners, airports may have to look harder at alternative security measures. From Bluetooth tracking to thermal lie-detector cameras, we take a glimpse into the weird and wonderful future of airport security.
✦ Zippy The Chimp Goes To School (1954)
The heartwarming tale is about Zippy trying to make his way in primary school, navigating the cliques and clacks, trends and fashions, loves and hates that plague many students today. And he had his difficulties; the kind that would trigger medication for children in our overly medicated society. But Zippy had a dream – and atavistic ambition.
✦ Voynich Manuscript
Written in Central Europe at the end of the 15th or during the 16th century, the origin, language, and date of the Voynich Manuscript—named after the Polish-American antiquarian bookseller, Wilfrid M. Voynich, who acquired it in 1912—are still being debated as vigorously as its puzzling drawings and undeciphered text. Described as a magical or scientific text, nearly every page contains botanical, figurative, and scientific drawings of a provincial but lively character, drawn in ink with vibrant washes in various shades of green, brown, yellow, blue, and red.
✦ New Jersey DMV workers accused of selling identities for $200 a pop
Prosecutors have charged two New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission employees with selling names, addresses, birthdates and Social Security numbers of “unsuspecting residents” for as little as $200 per identity. The same investigation conducted by the Mercer County Prosecutor’s Economic Crime Unit in Trenton led to charges against two non-government workers who allegedly used their jobs in a tax office and realty company to sell identities as part of a similar scheme.
✦ Every crazy CIA plot you’ve heard of originated with one man
There are stories that have come to light, over the years, that make the Central Intelligence Agency look like a collection of Looney Tunes shorts. The violence, the slapstick, and the over-the-top ridiculousness of the experiments that have been conducted over the years boggle the mind. They came from the (slightly-boggled) mind of one man: Sidney Gottlieb.
✦ That Bank Bailout Was Way Bigger Than Anyone Thought
Remember the $700 billion Troubled Asset Relief Program with which the federal government came to the rescue of faltering banks in 2008? Well, according to a Bloomberg report, that was just a fraction of the financial help the Federal Reserve Bank wound up doling out to troubled lenders. The real total was reportedly closer to $8 trillion, after you add up benefits outside TARP, including emergency loans given at below-market rates
✦ Brooklyn DA claims record number of child sex-abuse charges vs. haredim
The Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office says it has charged 89 men in the borough’s haredi Orthodox communities with child sex abuse — a threefold increase over a two-year span. However, the Forward reported that Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes declined to provide any details about the cases, making the number of arrests impossible to verify. His spokesman, Jerry Schmetterer, gave the figures to the newspaper in mid-November. The numbers reflect the number of haredi Orthodox men charged with sexual abuse since October 2009.
✦ Feds Seize 130+ Domain Names in Mass Crackdown
US authorities have initiated the largest round of domain name seizures yet as part of their continued crackdown on counterfeit and piracy-related websites. With just a few days to go until “Cyber Monday” more than 100 domain names have been taken over by the feds to protect the commercial interests of US companies. The seizures are disputable, as the SOPA bill which aims to specifically legitimize such actions is still pending in Congress.
✦ Paying for sex and ‘playing dead’ – the deceitful gift-giving spider
Male nursery web spiders (Pisaura mirabilis) prepare silk-wrapped gifts to give to potential mates. Most gifts contain insects, but some gifts are inedible plant seeds or empty exoskeletons left after the prey has already been eaten (presumably by the male himself!). Males will also ‘play dead’ if a female moves away and then attempt to re-establish mating. New research published in BioMed Central’s open access journal BMC Evolutionary Biology examines the reproductive success of deceitful males and shows that females are not impressed by worthless gifts.
✦ Records show dubious spending from Wyclef Jean charity
In the months following the devastating earthquake in Haiti, a charity run by hip-hop star Wyclef Jean spent a pittance of the money it took in on disaster relief and doled out millions in questionable contracts. Yele Haiti’s coffers swelled to $16 million in 2010, the most the charity had ever received. But less than a third of that went to emergency efforts, and $1 million was paid to a Florida firm that doesn’t seem to exist, The Post has learned.
✦ TERRORIST USA ARMY KILLED A SHEEP WITH A BASEBALL BAT [Video]
The target of the USA cruelty is not limited with humans. In the latest leaked footage, it is seen how the terrorist USA soldiers had great satisfaction by beating and killing a captured innocent sheep with a baseball bat. And the other USA soldiers there had fun by laughing with disgusting laughters and yellings. According to news agencies and the source data, this footage was recorded in Afghanistan on the first day of Eid al-Adha (06 Nov 2011).
✦ Girl sues ex-boyfriend for tattooing a pile of shit on her back
Tattoo artist Ryan Fitzgerald from Dayton, OH was hit with a $100,000 lawsuit last week by his ex-girlfriend Rossie Brovent. She claims that her boyfriend was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia on her back but instead tattooed an image of a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.

 

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Conjured by SeMeN SPeRmS on November 29, 2011

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WØØF!

  • This is a picture of a bathroom stall at my school. The writing you see, that’s the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone/Philosopher’s Stone. I have no clue who wrote it, but whoever they are, they are my HERO.
  • If you’ve ever wondered how long a video documenting a guy battering, deep frying and attempting to eat a PlayStation Portable with the aid of chopsticks would be, now you have your answer: Ten minutes and twelve seconds. Obviously, the length of the video is the thing being reported here, as nothing else out of the ordinary is happening in the video.
  • In the original Batman TV show Bruce Wayne used a switch hidden within a bust of Shakespeare to open a hidden entrance to the Batcave. While I don’t have a hidden door to open I honestly can’t think of a cooler way to turn on and off the lights to my “Mancave”. So now that I had a goal in mind it was time to gather the required parts.
  • A Chinese man has died playing computer games for three-straight days without sleeping and hardly eating anything, according to China media reports.
    Reportedly, the 30-year-old man lost consciousness at an internet cafe just outside of Beijing. He was rushed to a hospital but could not be resuscitated.
    The man reportedly spent more than 10,000 yuan (about $1500) on gaming in the final month of his life.
  • A Michigan auto shop owner says a woman apparently upset about a $225 bill for towing her car after a crash involving 50 to 60 vehicles during the recent winter storm used a baseball bat to smash windows and electronic equipment at his business.

    WXMI-TV was at Weeks Towing & Auto in Mecosta County’s Aetna Township, about 38 miles northeast of Grand Rapids, on Monday doing a story on Sunday’s U.S. 131 crash, and caught some of the argument on video. The sheriff’s department says damage is estimated at more than $5,000.

  • UK budget airline easyJet apologized Tuesday to Jewish customers after the only food choices served on a flight from Israel were ham melts and bacon baguettes.
  • As the global population booms and demand strains the world’s supply of meat, there’s a growing need for alternate animal proteins. Insects are high in protein, B vitamins and minerals like iron and zinc, and they’re low in fat. Insects are easier to raise than livestock, and they produce less waste. Insects are abundant. Of all the known animal species, 80% walk on six legs; over 1,000 edible species have been identified. And the taste? It’s often described as “nutty.”
  • Fed up with what he views as crappy treatment from the TSA, the owner of a restaurant near Seattle-Tacoma International Airport has decided to put all TSA agents on his No-Eat List.

    “We have posted signs on our doors basically saying that they aren’t allowed to come into our business,” one employee tells travel journalist Christopher Elliott. “We have the right to refuse service to anyone.”

    She says that whenever a TSA agent attempts to dine at the restaurant, “we turn our backs and completely ignore them, and tell them to leave… Their kind aren’t welcomed in our establishment.”

  • 2. Because Obama was supposed to be Change We Can Believe In, and yet the wars continue at full speed, with drone strikes dramatically up, military spending is higher than ever, yet the poor and the old have to ‘feel the pain’ in our shared sacrifice. It’s fucking bullshit!
  • A Canadian gang leader serving a 30-year sentence in the United States for drug smuggling claims Canadian officials violated his constitutional privacy rights before he was arrested at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport.
  • Mr Chana told the Sun: ‘Today I feel like God’s special child. He’s given me so many people to look after.

    ‘I consider myself a lucky man to be the husband of 39 women and head of the world’s largest family.’

    The family is organised with almost military discipline, with the oldest wife Zathiangi organising her fellow partners to perform household chores such as cleaning, washing and preparing meals.

    One evening meal can see them pluck 30 chickens, peel 132lb of potatoes and boil up to 220lb of rice.

    Coincidentally, Mr Chana is also head of a sect that allows members to take as many wives as he wants.

  • Lighting up a cigarette at home could bring a visit from Honduran police if a family member or even a visitor complains about secondhand smoke.
  • You look like an idiot.
  • He is perhaps best known for his carefully guarded anonymity, but Banksy has this week discovered that the Oscars do not “do” enigma. The British street artist has been refused permission to appear in disguise at Sunday night’s Academy Awards, where he is up for best documentary for his debut feature film, Exit Through the Gift Shop.
    Bruce Davis, the Academy’s executive director, said it had been forced to turn down the request due to fears impostors would attempt to gatecrash the ceremony.
    “The fun but disquieting scenario is that if the film wins and five guys in monkey masks come to the stage all saying, ‘I’m Banksy,’ who the hell do we give it to?” he said.

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Take Acid ‘n Burn Churches

Photo: Arab Parrot

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