Monk | SeMeN SPeRmS BLArRrG! - Part 2

The Sound Of Yer Life Flushin’ Down The Toilet

  • “You shouldn’t have to sign in and give up your personal information before you get to the part where you say, ‘Please don’t share my personal information.” The bill would also grant parents the right to request photos or text be removed from any of their children’s social networking pages within 48 hours.

    Calling the bill “unnecessary” the letter from Facebook, Google and the other tech giants details how the bill would damage business for the California technology sector and violate the Constitutions of both the United States and California based on First Amendment rights. With a $10,000 fine for each violation, the bill could certainly have some repercussions on the companies’ bottom lines. What a turnaround for the infamously censor-happy Facebook to start defending free speech.

  • A woman who tried to sell what she said was a rare piece of moon rock for $1.7 million was detained when her would-be buyer turned out to be an undercover NASA agent, officials said Friday.

    The gray rocks, which are considered national treasures and are illegal to sell, were given to each U.S. state and 136 countries by then-President Richard Nixon after U.S. moon missions and can sell for millions of dollars on the black market.

  • National Pigeon Association is an all-breeds pigeon club with an international membership founded in 1920 by humans. Encompassing all varieties of domesticated pigeons, the NPA promotes, educates, and acknowledges the efforts of fanciers and pigeon breeders in the continued development and care of our feathered friends.
  • A new and deadly drug, called Oxi, has hit Brazil’s Amazon region.

    Highly addictive, its use is now spreading to other parts of the country, causing alarm among officials.

  • The Germans viewed canines as being almost as intelligent as humans and attempted to build an army of fearsome ‘speaking’ dogs, extraordinary new research shows.

    Hitler hoped the clever creatures would learn to communicate with their SS masters – and he even had a special dog school set up to teach them to talk.

    The incredible findings show Nazi officials recruited so-called educated dogs from all over Germany and trained them to speak and tap out signals using their paws.

    One mutt was said to have uttered the words ‘Mein Fuhrer’ when asked who Adolf Hitler was.

    Another ‘spoke’ by tapping letters of the alphabet with his paws and was said to have speculated about religion and learnt poetry.

  • A decapitated head, said to be that of St Vitalis of Assisi, the patron saint of genital diseases, will be sold at an auction in Co Meath next Sunday.

    The macabre object, which is housed in a Queen Anne case, is being sold by an Anglo-Irish family based in Co Louth and has a guide price of between €800 and €1,200.

    Saint Vitalis of Assisi (there are a number of saints with the name Vitalis) was an Italian hermit and monk who died in 1370.

    He became a saint despite an early life marked by licentiousness and immorality.

  • The 53-year-old Californian man answered the door to a woman who claimed she was there to give him an enema.

    As the man had recently undergone intestinal surgery, he assumed the visit was part of his rehabilitation and allowed the woman into his home to perform the procedure.

    The woman took him into the bedroom, had him drop his trousers and lie face down on his bed, before performing the enema in less than two minutes.

    A day later, the man began wondering about his experience and contacted the Sonoma Police Department to report the incident.

  • The butter which was found in timber keg, made from the trunk of a tree, weighed almost 28 pounds. The keg was built using Iron Age implements. It was buried three to four-foot away.
  • Other countries use nitrous oxide in the delivery room. Why don’t we?
  • I decided to put together a photoshop version based on these values so that you don’t have to. The image below is just a RGB jpeg example and shouldn’t be used when doing your own color work. Under the swatch image below is a link to a Zip archive that contains the CMYK PSD file with all of the correct color mixtures. I also included a pretty transparent layer of 100% yellow that you can turn on and play with the opacity to make sure that all the colors work better together in a pleasing way, similar to the underpainted effect those old comics have now with their yellowish-orange, aged newsprint.
  • One of the issues, other than if governments will try to outlaw bitcoin, is the high amount of electricity needed to create a single bitcoin. It might cost more to generate a bitcoin than the actual value a bitcoin is currently traded at. High electricity bills can lead to marijuana busts. And it is this unusual power consumption needed that caught my attention since it appears as a bitcoin miner has been mistaken as a person running a marijuana growing operation.
  • The city’s outdoor smoking ban is now in effect, with smoking is outlawed in city parks, pedestrian plazas, beaches, boardwalks, marinas, public golf courses and sports stadia.

    City officials say the new law is expected to be enforced mostly by New Yorkers themselves, who are urged to call 311 if they spot smokers breaking the law.

    Violators will face a $50 fine, but only the city’s 200 Parks Enforcement Patrol officers can hand out those summonses. Those officers are also putting the emphasis on educating the general public.

  • “Do this research. If we don’t have a season, watch how much evil, which we call it crime, watch how much crime picks up when you take away our game,” he said.

    “I would hope that it would not increase crime without football. Baltimore is a place where we do have other things for people to enjoy,” said Baltimore City Councilwoman Helen Holton.

  • The US Navy is turning to the wisdom of the crowd to forge military strategy, inviting the public to join an online game in which Somali pirates have hijacked commercial ships.

    The Office of Naval Research plans this month to launch the US military’s first online war game to draw on the ideas of thousands of people instead of the traditional strategy session held inside the Pentagon’s offices.

  • She’s a vagabond toy poodle, named May by SPCA staff because earlier this month she fell out of the sky and landed in the grounds of Sechelt’s Shorncliffe Nursing Home.

    How she came to be flying over the nursing home is explained by the deep talon marks in her back and sides, showing she was probably the unwilling passenger of a hungry eagle that had picked her up but eventually found her 18 pounds too much to hold on to.

  • It’s like a flash mob gone bad. Security footage from a Manhattan Dunkin’ Donuts shows a group of youths climbing on counters, throwing chairs and throwing tables in a violent attack on workers.

    It happened at the Dunkin’ Donuts on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village. A $2,000 hot chocolate machine was reportedly destroyed in the attack.

  • Officials and experts in one New Jersey town are scratching their heads over a mysterious hole that appeared in a yard last week.

    For now, it appears the small crater that splayed debris across a 100-foot area wasn’t caused by a meteorite. Beyond that, it’s a mystery.

    “It’s just really, really weird,” said Jerry Vinski, director of nearby Raritan Valley Community College’s planetarium, who conducted tests on the site. “We dug around and couldn’t find anything. We used metal detectors because all meteors have metal in them, and we couldn’t find anything, large or small.”

  • In the first episode of this two-part series, Louis spends time in one of the most notorious sections of Miami County Jail: the fifth and sixth floor of ‘Main Jail’, where many of the most volatile inmates are incarcerated.

    Held in large cage-like dwellings for up to 24 men, the inmates have developed a strange and violent jail culture. The men – who remain in the cells almost all the time and may only leave for yard time twice a week – live under the sway of a gladiatorial code. They fight each other for food, for status, and often just to pass the endless hours of confinement. Trips to the infirmary are a frequent occurrence as inmates are viciously attacked and beaten, but the guards say they are powerless to end the abuse.

  • Dominique Strauss-Kahn gave an unpublished interview only two weeks before his arrest in which he suggested he could imagine a scenario in which he might be set up for rape, it emerged on Monday.
  • Kidult made his American debut early yesterday morning by using a fire extinguisher on the storefront of Supreme in New York. No stranger to destroying storefronts, Kidult has done the same in Paris to Colette, Yves Saint Laurent, JC/DC, and Agnes B. A film crew has always documented his vandalism and there will most likely be a live Supreme video soon.
  • Word spread quickly about a Los Angeles gas station selling premium unleaded for $1.10-a-gallon, but it wasn’t a promotion. The owner says the too-good-to-be-true price was a computer glitch that cost him $21,000.
  • She said: “Different things give me different feelings but it’s mostly headaches and nausea. iPhones make feel really sick within about 20 minutes of being near one so even though I might not realise someone has one straightaway, I soon find out.

    “Wifi makes me feel like I have a clamp at the back of my head which is squeezing the life out of me. It’s completely draining and a home hub can totally immobilise me – I’m left unable to move my arms and legs.”

  • Vuvuzelas – the horns used by football fans celebrating last year’s World Cup – not only cause noise pollution but may also spread diseases, say experts.

    A short burst on the instrument creates a spittle shower similar to a sneeze, travelling at a four million droplets a second, a PLoS One journal study shows.

    In crowded venues one person blowing a vuvuzela could infect many others with airborne illness like the flu or TB.

  • Computer chip manufacturer Intel showed off its event recorder last year following the Toyota recall. “With new vehicles, there will very likely be video cameras inside and outside,” said Intel’s chief technology office, Justin Rattner, in a July, 2010, interview. “It’s not particularly new or stunning, but when you combine the cameras with GPS, you’re geo-tagging the video.”

    In other words, your car – like your smart phone – may soon become a surveillance device and high-tech snooping will be mandated by the federal government.

  • Kyle Pearce of Florida was flying from Spokane to Denver on May 19, when he shocked fellow passengers by masturbating in his coach-class United Airlines seat, according to an FBI affidavit filed in Denver on May 20, The Smoking Gun reports.

    He was, not surprisingly, arrested when United flight 340 touched down in Denver. Pearce was charged with “obscene and indecent exposure of his person by

  • The first thing we noticed about Keith’s results was that there’s a ton of uranium in his hair. The report said that this isn’t the type of uranium that turns people into superheroes or kills them, but we’re still a little worried for him because it’s fucking uranium. He also had a bunch of arsenic in his mane, but curiously the report focused more on his apparent excess of copper, which can have an “antagonistic effect on zinc.” High concentrations of copper, the report warns, have also been associated with hair loss. Maybe Keith knows this, and that’s why he’s let his coiffure mat and clump for maximum coverage. The 25-page analysis also includes a chart marked “Tendencies” that lists ailments Keith should expect to experience unless he shifts his day-to-day habits toward metabolic optimization. In Keith’s case, he could suffer from depression and unnamed allergy symptoms, which doesn’t sound that bad considering he’s walking around with the Fukushima reactor on his head.

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Conjured by SeMeN SPeRmS on May 25, 2011

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WØØF!

  • This is a picture of a bathroom stall at my school. The writing you see, that’s the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone/Philosopher’s Stone. I have no clue who wrote it, but whoever they are, they are my HERO.
  • If you’ve ever wondered how long a video documenting a guy battering, deep frying and attempting to eat a PlayStation Portable with the aid of chopsticks would be, now you have your answer: Ten minutes and twelve seconds. Obviously, the length of the video is the thing being reported here, as nothing else out of the ordinary is happening in the video.
  • In the original Batman TV show Bruce Wayne used a switch hidden within a bust of Shakespeare to open a hidden entrance to the Batcave. While I don’t have a hidden door to open I honestly can’t think of a cooler way to turn on and off the lights to my “Mancave”. So now that I had a goal in mind it was time to gather the required parts.
  • A Chinese man has died playing computer games for three-straight days without sleeping and hardly eating anything, according to China media reports.
    Reportedly, the 30-year-old man lost consciousness at an internet cafe just outside of Beijing. He was rushed to a hospital but could not be resuscitated.
    The man reportedly spent more than 10,000 yuan (about $1500) on gaming in the final month of his life.
  • A Michigan auto shop owner says a woman apparently upset about a $225 bill for towing her car after a crash involving 50 to 60 vehicles during the recent winter storm used a baseball bat to smash windows and electronic equipment at his business.

    WXMI-TV was at Weeks Towing & Auto in Mecosta County’s Aetna Township, about 38 miles northeast of Grand Rapids, on Monday doing a story on Sunday’s U.S. 131 crash, and caught some of the argument on video. The sheriff’s department says damage is estimated at more than $5,000.

  • UK budget airline easyJet apologized Tuesday to Jewish customers after the only food choices served on a flight from Israel were ham melts and bacon baguettes.
  • As the global population booms and demand strains the world’s supply of meat, there’s a growing need for alternate animal proteins. Insects are high in protein, B vitamins and minerals like iron and zinc, and they’re low in fat. Insects are easier to raise than livestock, and they produce less waste. Insects are abundant. Of all the known animal species, 80% walk on six legs; over 1,000 edible species have been identified. And the taste? It’s often described as “nutty.”
  • Fed up with what he views as crappy treatment from the TSA, the owner of a restaurant near Seattle-Tacoma International Airport has decided to put all TSA agents on his No-Eat List.

    “We have posted signs on our doors basically saying that they aren’t allowed to come into our business,” one employee tells travel journalist Christopher Elliott. “We have the right to refuse service to anyone.”

    She says that whenever a TSA agent attempts to dine at the restaurant, “we turn our backs and completely ignore them, and tell them to leave… Their kind aren’t welcomed in our establishment.”

  • 2. Because Obama was supposed to be Change We Can Believe In, and yet the wars continue at full speed, with drone strikes dramatically up, military spending is higher than ever, yet the poor and the old have to ‘feel the pain’ in our shared sacrifice. It’s fucking bullshit!
  • A Canadian gang leader serving a 30-year sentence in the United States for drug smuggling claims Canadian officials violated his constitutional privacy rights before he was arrested at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport.
  • Mr Chana told the Sun: ‘Today I feel like God’s special child. He’s given me so many people to look after.

    ‘I consider myself a lucky man to be the husband of 39 women and head of the world’s largest family.’

    The family is organised with almost military discipline, with the oldest wife Zathiangi organising her fellow partners to perform household chores such as cleaning, washing and preparing meals.

    One evening meal can see them pluck 30 chickens, peel 132lb of potatoes and boil up to 220lb of rice.

    Coincidentally, Mr Chana is also head of a sect that allows members to take as many wives as he wants.

  • Lighting up a cigarette at home could bring a visit from Honduran police if a family member or even a visitor complains about secondhand smoke.
  • You look like an idiot.
  • He is perhaps best known for his carefully guarded anonymity, but Banksy has this week discovered that the Oscars do not “do” enigma. The British street artist has been refused permission to appear in disguise at Sunday night’s Academy Awards, where he is up for best documentary for his debut feature film, Exit Through the Gift Shop.
    Bruce Davis, the Academy’s executive director, said it had been forced to turn down the request due to fears impostors would attempt to gatecrash the ceremony.
    “The fun but disquieting scenario is that if the film wins and five guys in monkey masks come to the stage all saying, ‘I’m Banksy,’ who the hell do we give it to?” he said.

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Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922) Narrated by William S. Burroughs

HÄXAN narrated by William S Burroughs

“Häxan (English title: The Witches or Witchcraft Through The Ages) is a 1922 Swedish/Danish silent film written and directed by Benjamin Christensen. Based partly on Christensen’s study of the Malleus Maleficarum, a 15th century German guide for inquisitors, Häxan is a study of how superstition and the misunderstanding of diseases and mental illness could lead to the hysteria of the witch-hunts. The film was made as a documentary but contains dramatized sequences that are comparable to horror films. With Christensen’s meticulous recreation of medieval scenes and the lengthy production period, the film was the most expensive Scandinavian silent film ever made, costing nearly two million Swedish krona. Although it won acclaim in Denmark and Sweden, the film was banned in the United States and heavily censored in other countries for what were considered at that time graphic depictions of torture, nudity, and sexual perversion.”

- Wikipedia

Witchcraft Through The Ages” (1965) is the name of a shorter version of the classic “Häxan” that is narrated by Burroughs, who always was a great admirer of the original film, and including a jazz soundtrack.



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Losin’ The War On Christmas

  • The suspect, Phillip D. Greene, of Madison, and three friends apparently took hits of LSD while driving around and looking at Christmas lights. Greene took several hits of the hallucinogenic drug, according to police.

    When the four people ended up at one of the homes in the 3100 block of Old Gate Road, Greene apparently began to act “crazy,” police said. Greene allegedly went into the kitchen and began to pick up knives. Two of his friends intervened and there was a struggle, according to investigators.

  • Dee Albert “Cody” Replogle, a 30-year-old Oklahoma City man was jailed Monday after he allegedly recorded himself speeding in a Corvette and posted it on YouTube.

    Imagine his surprise when cops showed up to take him to jail.

    According to the Oklahoma Highway Patrol , detectives were emailed a video that showed a man driving a super-charged 1999 Chevy Corvette accelerating at over 190 mph on I-235 and the Kilpatrick Turnpike.

    The video, which has now been pulled from YouTube, was posted by someone using the YouTube handle “cody111280”

  • Givan signed a consent to search form, at which time he allegedly stated to deputies, “When you go up there I’m going away for a long time.”

    “Once inside the home, officers discovered that Mr. Givan was in the process of ‘smoking the lab off,’ which is the final step to the manufacturing process,” Gillenwater said. “Officers located mason jars with coffee filters in the tops which were straining the actual finished methamphetamine from the chemical liquid. Another coffee filter with a considerable amount of methamphetamine was found stuck in behind a fluorescent lightbulb, which is a way of drying finished methamphetamine.”

    Deputies also found four monkeys in the home, which Givan reportedly keeps as pets. Gillenwater said the exact type of monkey was unknown, although he said three were smaller, around 20 pounds, and one was larger, about 50 pounds.

  • The self-styled Crossbow Cannibal skinned his victims, chopped up their bodies and cooked them before gorging on their flesh. He also ate some parts raw.

    Deranged psychology graduate Griffiths even filmed some of the sick rituals at his home which he chillingly described to police as the “slaughterhouse”.

  • Manning is not only a “maximum custody detainee,” but also has a “Prevention of Injury” order (POI) that requires him to be constantly monitored by guards, and prevents him from having normal bedding. He has to strip down to his underwear and surrender his clothes to the guards each night before sleeping under a “suicide blanket” – he told House it’s “similar in weight and heft to lead aprons used in X-ray laboratories, and similar in texture to coarse and stiff carpet.” Manning “expressed concern that he had to lie very still at night to avoid receiving carpet burns.” According to Greenwald, prison medical officials are administering him anti-depressants.

    POI orders are usually issued for brief periods of time for inmates who are judged to be suicidal or have not yet undergone a psychological evaluation. Manning has been evaluated, and there is no indication he is a threat to himself or others. He has been, by accounts, a model prisoner.

  • Nowak is the special investigator on torture, working for the UN Human Rights Council. Rapporteurs regularly assess complaints from alleged victims of human rights violations.

    If a complaint is verified as legitimate, the investigator sends an urgent letter or appeal to the government that it believes has committed the violation.

    In an interview with MSNBC on Wednesday, Assange called Manning a political prisoner and said he believes the US is trying to get the soldier to testify against him. He called on human-rights organisations to investigate.

    “If we are to believe the allegations, then this man acted for political reasons. He has been a political prisoner without trial in the United States for some six or seven months,” Assange said.

    “His conditions have been getting worse and worse and worse in his cell as they attempt to pressure him into testifying against me. That’s a serious problem.”

  • These things are purchased through Obama Stimulus money. Stimulate the economy by turning it into a prison yard?
  • A 13-year-old boy was arrested Friday for using a permanent marker while in class at his Oklahoma City middle school, a violation of an obscure city ordinance.

    According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, the boy was spotted “in possession of a permanent marker” by Roosevelt Middle School teacher DeLynn Woodside. The 50-year-old educator told cop Miguel Campos that the student was “writing on a piece of paper, which caused it to bleed over onto the desk.”

  • China has said it is willing to bail out debt-ridden countries in the euro zone using its $2.7trillion overseas investment fund.

    In a fresh humiliation for Europe, Foreign Ministry spokesman Jiang Yu said it was one of the most important areas for China’s foreign exchange investments.

    The country has already approached struggling European countries with financial aid, including offering to buy Greece’s debt in October and promising to buy $4billion of Portuguese government debt.

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Snow Blind

  • Binge-drinking elephants, drunk on local hooch, have killed three people and destroyed 60 homes in a four-day rampage in east India.
  • Mexican police believe they have arrested a 12-year-old child hitman known as ‘El Ponchis’. Officials said the minor could be the paid executioner famed for slitting victims’ throats who is known to be working for a drug cartel.

    Thanks Patrick Nybakken

  • Prolly just tweetin’.
  • “It pays to go to garage sales sometimes,” Fallbrook resident Bill Warren said. He should know. Warren might turn a $5 buy into $70,000 after finding what appears to be the pelt of an extinct Tasmanian tiger at a garage sale.
  • There Will Be Blood Re-Imagined as an SNES Game
  • No sooner does reporter Clark Kent stumble across Muhammad Ali shooting hoops in Metropolis’ “inner city ghetto” than an despotic alien named Rat’lar appears to talk intergalatic trash. Specifically, Rat’lar is Emperor of the warlike Scrubb race, and he challenges earth’s champion to fisticuffs. If said Earth champion loses, Earth will be destroyed. If said champion wins, Earth will be spared.
  • The man responsible for what was once the largest amount of secret US government information ever leaked has called for free speech advocates to boycott online retailer Amazon.com over their removal of WikiLeaks from their cloud servers. Saying that he’s “disgusted” by Amazon claiming a violation of their terms of service for taking WikiLeaks offline, Daniel Ellsberg sent an open letter damning the company for capitulating to public and private sector officials who “aspire to China’s control of information and deterrence of whistle-blowing.”
  • A chilling relic from the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. A section of the seat upon which he and First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy sat when Lee Harvey Oswald pulled the trigger on his Mannlicher Carcano, tragically ending the young president’s life. Light blue leather seat section which composed the main portion of the bench seat and clearly shows rust-colored staining consistent with long-dried blood. Bears a 0.5″ scratched circle, possibly made when the seat was examined by the FBI following the shooting. Measures approximately 3″ x 3″.

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