Sex Toy

Barely Legal Aliens

  • Federal law enforcement and national security officials are preparing to seek sweeping new regulations for the Internet, arguing that their ability to wiretap criminal and terrorism suspects is “going dark” as people increasingly communicate online instead of by telephone. Essentially, officials want Congress to require all services that enable communications — including encrypted e-mail transmitters like BlackBerry, social networking Web sites like Facebook and software that allows direct “peer to peer” messaging like Skype — to be technically capable of complying if served with a wiretap order. The mandate would include being able to intercept and unscramble encrypted messages. The bill, which the Obama administration plans to submit to lawmakers next year, raises fresh questions about how to balance security needs with protecting privacy and fostering innovation. And because security services around the world face the same problem, it could set an example that is copied globally.
  • THE United Nations was set today to appoint an obscure Malaysian astrophysicist to act as Earths first contact for any aliens that may come visiting.
  • So here is my idea. Since we are too goddamn immature to legalize prostitution across the nation, I think every man and woman, at the age of 18, should be allotted a sex toy of their choosing. Butt plugs, vibrators, foot fifis, the choice is yours. Everyone gets one hour a day to fud themselves insane. Think of it as a relaxtion technique, just you and your toy for one hour, whipping yourself into a frenzy, thinking of whatever sick fucking fantasy gets you off, until you sexplode. Afterwards you won’t want to kill your children, you won’t feel like drinking yourself into a coma, you won’t be tempted to shoot your TV, Elvis style, and you will get some much needed exercise. It’s a win win for everyone.
  • This document collects reported cases where the anti-circumvention provisions of the DMCA have been invoked not against pirates, but against consumers, scientists, and legitimate competitors.
  • the encyclopedia of skepticism, science and reason.
  • “Disinformation”: is a preemptive dissemination of deliberately misleading information announced publicly or leaked by a government, intelligence agency, corporation or other entity to prevent a target audience from realizing accurate conclusions.
  • Indie ice cream pioneer Ben & Jerry’s will be dropping the phrase “All Natural” from some of its ice cream and frozen yogurt cartons, it announced today. The flavors containing alkalized cocoa, corn syrup, and partially hydrogenated soybean oil particularly irked the folks over at the Center for the Science in the Public Interest, who had asked the company to stop using “all natural” claims last month in a letter to parent company Unilever.
  • This is a censorship bill that runs roughshod over freedom of speech on the Internet. Free speech is vitally important to democracy, which is why the government is restricted from suppressing speech except in very specific, narrowly-tailored situations. But this bill is the polar opposite of narrow — not only in the broad way that it tries to define a site “dedicated to infringing activities,” but also in the solution that it tries to impose — a block on a whole domain, and not just the infringing part of the site.
  • He had admitted crimes beyond those of which he was suspected. His crimes included 20 rapes between 1995 and 2010 in Krefeld, Bonn, Düsseldorf, Cologne, Aachen, Venlo and Eupen, as well as more than 1,000 other sex crimes, most of which were indecent exposures with so-called “pity ploys” to lure women. This usually consisted of pretending that he could not move his arms. “He had lured women and asked them to help him urinate,” said Stickelbrock. “The majority of cases of sexual acts occurred this way.” State prosecutor Eberhard Harings said Jörg P. could not actually be tried for most of these cases because the woman had voluntarily participated, according to Bild.
  • Bagnes was arrested in May 2009 after he walked through a White City neighborhood, dropping fliers showing diaper-clad children on lawns. Two girls approached Bagnes to ask what he was doing and he lowered his pants to show them he had on an Elmo diaper.
  • The unidentified man followed two teen girls – 13 and 14 – into Pomeroy Park in Avondale around 4:30 p.m. and first exposed his penis to them before he began “simulating a sexual act with a large plastic dinosaur in the park,” according to a state police news release.
  • Betty James ordered a pair of sneakers online for one of her children from Finish Line Inc.’s website. She was stunned when she opened the box Tuesday and found marijuana wrapped in a cigar leaf, known as a blunt.
  • Three British Columbia men are facing charges after police say they drove their van, disguised as a school bus, from school to school in Alberta selling drugs.

    Mounties pulled over the van on Hwy. 63 near Wood Buffalo, Alta., after receiving several complaints that it had been visiting area schools.

    Inside the van, police found about marijuana, hashish oil, heroin, magic mushrooms, ecstasy tablets, and numerous items of drug paraphernalia.
    Thanks Patrick Nybakken.

  • A slight increase of heat in China’s Sichuan province made the local cats grow wing like structures.
  • A kitty in Chongqing, China, is getting some extra-special attention these days: The furry feline has developed wings! Though born looking completely normal, once the cat hit the age of 1, he began growing wing-shaped appendages on either side of his spine, the U.K.’s Daily Mail reports.
  • In the weeks after the April 20 Deepwater Horizon oil rig explosion, scientists surveying the surface near the drill site spotted relatively huge particles—several centimeters across—of sea snot. These particularly slimy flakes of “marine snow” are made up of tiny dead and living organic matter, according to Uta Passow, a biological oceanographer at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Tiny plants in the ocean called phytoplankton produce a mucus-like substance when stressed, and it’s possible that exposure to the Deepwater Horizon oil caused them to pump out more of the sticky stuff than usual. This abundance of “mucus” made the naturally occurring marine-snow particles—usually about a few millimeters wide—even stickier.
  • The owner of Segway died on Sunday riding one of his company’s electric scooters off a cliff and into a river.
  • Time dilation arises in two situations. In one case, time appears to move slower the closer you are to a massive object, such as the Earth. So a person hovering in a hot-air balloon, for example, actually ages faster than someone standing below. Time also ticks by faster for someone at rest relative to someone moving. Einstein dramatized this second strangeness with the twin paradox — one 25-year-old twin traveling in a rocket ship near the speed of light for what he perceives as a few months will return to Earth to find the other has reached middle age.
  • The Vantix biosensor, designed by Cambridge-based Universal Sensors is a quick, accurate, and inexpensive technology that can allegedly measure microscopic residue of marijuana and cocaine in saliva [mixture of water, protein, and salts that makes food easy to swallow; begins digestion] within a few minutes.
  • Seven elderly retired Air Force officers called a news conference at the National Press Club in Washington on Monday afternoon — covered, improbably, by CNN — to disclose that they witnessed the UFOs rendering U.S. nuclear missiles temporarily inoperable during the Cold War.
  • ✫ Lindsay Lohan drugs heroin syringe pictures

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Conjured by o~ SeMeN SPeRmS ~o on September 29, 2010

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☀~De Tease~☀

  • Officers found Hamilton to have her pants unbuttoned with a female sex toy in her lap. She told officers she had been using the toy while driving, as well as watching a video on a computer her passenger was holding. It is not clear what the nature of that video was. Hamilton was also found to be in possession of a broken crack pipe.
  • Allegedly, the anxious folks at these various luxury houses are all aggressively gifting our gal Snookums with free bags. No surprise, right? But here’s the shocker: They are not sending her their own bags. They are sending her each other’s bags! Competitors’ bags! Call it what you will — “preemptive product placement”? “unbranding”? — either way, it’s brilliant, and it makes total sense. As much as one might adore Miss Snickerdoodle, her ability to inspire dress-alikes among her fans is questionable. The bottom line? Nobody in fashion wants to co-brand with Snooki.
  • The Minneapolis city attorney’s office has decided to pay seven zombies and their attorney $165,000. The payout, approved by the City Council on Friday, settles a federal lawsuit the seven filed after they were arrested and jailed for two days for dressing up like zombies in downtown Minneapolis on July 22, 2006, to protest “mindless” consumerism.
  • The mushy, disturbingly uniform innards recalled the thick, pulpy aftermath of something you dissected in biology class: so intrinsically disagreeable that my throat nearly closed up reflexively. But the funny thing about Nutraloaf is the taste. It’s not awful, nor is it especially good. I kept trying to detect any individual element—carrot? egg?—and failing. Nutraloaf tastes blank, as though someone physically removed all hints of flavor. “That’s the goal,” says Mike Anderson, Aramark’s district manager. “Not to make it taste bad but to make it taste neutral.” By those standards, Nutraloaf is a culinary triumph; any recipe that renders all 13 of its ingredients completely mute is some kind of miracle.
  • Government agents can sneak onto your property in the middle of the night, put a GPS device on the bottom of your car and keep track of everywhere you go. This doesn’t violate your Fourth Amendment rights, because you do not have any reasonable expectation of privacy in your own driveway – and no reasonable expectation that the government isn’t tracking your movements.
  • The men face charges involving at least six different family members and multiple animals. Christian Stolzfus is charged with repeated sexual assault of a child, four counts of first-degree sexual assault of a child under the age of 13 without great bodily harm; attempted first-degree sexual assault of a child under the age of 13 without great bodily harm; two counts of incest; exposing genitals or pubic area; and two counts of sexual gratification with an animal. Authorities said that they believe these incidents occurred during a four-year period. Dannie Stolzfus is charged with two counts of incest and sexual gratification with an animal. Authorities said that they believe these incidents occurred over a three-year period.
  • Sounds like angel dust perception.
    Thanks Wade Oates

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Manmade Vaginas

  • Goodbye rats with wings!
  • A Mexican drug gang is hiring pretty young women to carry out killings to surprise its enemies, a suspected member of the vicious La Linea gang said in a video. Around 30 women aged between 18 and 30 years have learned in recent months to carry out killings accompanied by hitmen, and most have killed people, suspect Rogelio Amaya said during a interrogation by federal police. The video of the interrogation was made public on Tuesday.
  • LSD and ketamine, two powerful hallucinogens, are also potential cures for depression, OCD, and anxiety. Two studies published this week, in Science and Nature, confirm that hallucinogenic drugs stimulate healthy brain activity, even promoting the growth of neurons.
  • A Massachusetts photographer has been arrested after allegedly trying to retrieve more than $1 million worth of marijuana from a shipping facility. Tommy Colbert, 52, of Brockton, Mass., one of the area’s top wedding photographers, is a suspect in connection with the big pot bust in Abington, where about 700 pounds of cannabis was seized on Monday. A relative of the photographer stunned court officials on Tuesday when she walked into the clerk’s office at Brockton District Court and paid Colbert’s bail with $40,000 cash
  • To describe the experience of putting my life in the hands of the San Fransisco Traffic God’s while the sky melds together in an amalgous orgasm of blue and magenta and while cars leave such profoundly solid tracers behind them that I can’t tell whether they’re limousines or not is, essentially, impossible. The experience is just fucking ludicrous. I’ve been bombing hills at 35 miles an hour before only to have taxi cars open their doors in front of me with only ten feet to brake. I’ve been within inches of been piledrived by several ton cars in direct oncoming traffic.
  • Thanks Vince Wilt
  • The ads requested “a real aggressive man with no concern for women” to humiliate, physically and sexually abuse them, and pimp them out to their friends. The first four he placed around the country seemed to find no response. But he finally found a taker in Casper, Wyoming. His former girlfriend saw the Craigslist post — it included her photo — and asked the website to take it down. But that was after Ty Oliver McDowell had already responded. He began trading email with Stipe, assuming he was talking to the woman. Stipe encouraged McDowell to go to her house and rape the woman. A few days later, McDowell attacked the woman from behind as she was entering her home. He wrestled her to the floor and punched her in the face, tied her up and blindfolded her, then raped her with both his penis and a knife sharpener.
  • Police say that 31-year-old Luis Mijangos was quite proficient with computers. He just used his powers for evil instead of good. They say he targeted at least 44 girls and 186 women, mostly in Southern California, who used peer-to-peer file sharing networks… He would send out files disguised as popular songs, but they’d actually contain secret computer code. This allowed him to infect his victims’ computers, and the malware was passed along to friends and family via instant messages. This gave him control of their computers, and he used them to gather intimate photos and videos. He was also able to grab their personal information and remotely turn on webcams to catch them in compromising positions. By hacking email accounts, we would further pretend to be the victims’ boyfriends and ask them to make him porn videos.

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