Mark Twain | SeMeN SPeRmS SuPeR SiTe

George Carlin

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George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comediansocial criticsatiristactor, and writer/author who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums. Carlin was noted for his black humor as well as his thoughts on politics, the English languagepsychologyreligion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his “Seven Dirty Words” comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision by the justices affirmed the government’s power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.

The first of his 14 stand-up comedy specials for HBO was filmed in 1977. From the late 1980s, Carlin’s routines focused on socio-cultural criticism of modern American society. He often commented on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture. In 2004, Carlin placed second on the Comedy Central list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all time, ahead of Lenny Bruce and behind Richard Pryor. He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show during the three-decadeJohnny Carson era, and hosted the first episode of Saturday Night Live. His final HBO special,It’s Bad for Ya, was filmed less than four months before his death. In 2008, he was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

 

 

 

 

 

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Sweeter Than A Honey Bun

  • Organic is organic, or is it? It would seem that it is all a matter of perspective when one takes a stroll through the mountains of documents on the FDA and USDA websites.

    The word “organic” is fast becoming a high-dollar money-maker for corporations smart enough to jump on the bandwagon and start marketing their products as “made with organic ingredients,” or “certified organic.” Even Monsanto is taking advantage of this burgeoning market, and people naïve enough to believe that what we have traditionally thought of as pure, organic food, is still that way, are being duped.

    It makes perfect sense, however, in a Machiavellian sort of way. Flood the food supply with poisons, then lead people to believe that the only safe choice left is USDA Certified Organic. Then buy up the organic companies one by one, and start changing the “organic” rules from the inside out via the bought and paid for government agencies so that you can reap the profits from those trying to escape the poisons.

  • What consumers don’t know is that honey doesn’t usually come straight – or pure – from the hive. Giant steel drums of honey bound for grocery store shelves and the food processors that crank out your cereal are in constant flow through the global market. Most honey comes from China, where beekeepers are notorious for keeping their bees healthy with antibiotics banned in North America because they seep into honey and contaminate it; packers there learn to mask the acrid notes of poor quality product by mixing in sugar or corn-based syrups to fake good taste.
  • “If the man behind Banksy ever leaves the Banksy organization, or when he dies, will the public ever know? It’s possible that my grandchildren will be able to see “original” Banksy artwork completed a century from now. Banksy seems to have reached the absurd hyperbole of conceptual art: the original artist may not even need to conceive the artwork for it to bear his name. Banksy has finally achieved what Warhol and others set out to: the artist is truly a brand without a human identity.”
  • “Presently, one out of every 13 Georgia residents is under some form of correctional control,” Gov. Nathan Deal, a Republican, told state lawmakers during his inaugural address. “It cost about $3 million per day to operate our Department of Corrections. And yet, every day criminals continue to inflict violence on our citizens and an alarming number of perpetrators are juveniles.”
  • Fox News affiliate Fox 59 in Indianapolis, Indiana is searching for America’s next homeless star. Last week the station sent reporter Tisha Lewis out into the snow covered streets of downtown Indianapolis where she asked homeless people: “Do you have any talent?”
  • Fifteen decapitated bodies were found strewn outside an Acapulco shopping center Sunday and six more bodies were discovered in a taxicab as a bloody turf war rages in the resort city over control of drug shipment routes.
  • Heydar Moslehi, Iran’s intelligence minister, has said that his country has arrested more than 10 people under suspicions of espionage after the country infiltrated Israel’s “intelligence system”.

    Tuesday’s announcement came a day after Iran’s intelligence services said that they had arrested suspects in the assassination a year ago of a nuclear physicist, in a months-long covert operation that they said led them to penetrate Israel’s Mossad spy agency.

    Iran blames Mossad for the murder of Masoud Ali Mohammadi, a Tehran University physics professor, who was killed by a bomb-rigged motorcycle that exploded outside his house as he was leaving for work in January 2010.

    One of those arrested has appeared on Iranian television to apparently confess to the assassination of the nuclear physicist.

  • Cindy Jacobs is a self-described prophet and evangelist who runs a ministry called Generals International. Her gig is something she called prophetic intercession, where she travels globally praying on behalf of others, or something. If you want to watch her, try TBN, 700 Club, or the “God Channel” (we were wondering when somebody would come up with that channel).

    Recently, Cindy Jacobs has made a connection between the thousands of bird deaths and fish deaths and the recent repeal of DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell). The clever Jacobs points out a few facts:

    * DADT was originally spearheaded by a former governor of Arkansas (Bill Clinton)
    * The recent governor of Arkansas is Mike Beebe
    * President Obama signed DADT Repeal Act into law on December 22, 2010.
    * More than 3,000 red-winged blackbirds died suddenly in Beebe, Arkansas
    * Therefore: God is sending a sign that he is not happy about homosexuality (again)

  • A missile launcher was found in a Dumpster in Escondido on Friday afternoon, wrapped in plastic and surrounded by debris.
    A worker found the missile launcher and reported it to authorities, who say they believe the launcher is an anti-tank weapon used by the Marine Corps and Army.
  • Since hearing of the rampage, Tierney has been trying to figure out why Loughner did what he allegedly did. “More chaos, maybe,” he says. “I think the reason he did it was mainly to just promote chaos. He wanted the media to freak out about this whole thing. He wanted exactly what’s happening. He wants all of that.” Tierney thinks that Loughner’s mindset was like the Joker in the most recent Batman movie: “He fucks things up to fuck shit up, there’s no rhyme or reason, he wants to watch the world burn. He probably wanted to take everyone out of their monotonous lives: ‘Another Saturday, going to go get groceries’—to take people out of these norms that he thought society had trapped us in.”
  • As America’s anger thermostats overheats on Mark Twain censorship, Iconic Photos looks back at a visual issue that regularly graces our semi-annual, revisionist political correctness hissy fits: cigarette censorship in photos.
  • Here is an archive of installments of I Saw It Advertised One Day, a recurring feature where we take a look at comic book advertisements from the past seventy plus years that amuse me for whatever reason!
  • The honey buns enter lockup the same way anyone else does: bound, escorted through halls and sally ports, and secluded in small boxes solely opened from the outside. From there the honey buns languish for days, maybe longer, until they’re gone.

    They are a lowly, sturdy food designed for desperate cravings and vending machine convenience. They can endure weeks of neglect and even a mild mashing in a coat pocket or backpack. They are, it should come as no surprise, especially beloved by a similarly hardy but disrespected population: Florida’s prison inmates.

  • Konowalski claims to have lost seven pounds in the first three days of his new diet, which consists of Milk Bones and organic canned dog food.
  • A malware-laced e-mail that spoofed seasons greetings from The White House siphoned gigabytes of sensitive documents from dozens of victims over the holidays, including a number of government employees and contractors who work on cybersecurity matters.

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Meth Smurfing

  • A Longmont man is accused of pulling into a Burger King drive-through with his penis in his hand and asking a 24-year-old employee at the window if she would like to “handle his Whopper,” early today.
  • CVS, the largest operator of pharmacies in the United States, confessed back in October that it knowingly allowed crystal meth manufacturers to illegally buy large amounts of pseudoephedrine (PSE), an active ingredient used in the manufacture of methamphetamine. To avoid criminal prosecution, CVS officials agreed to pay the federal government a $75 million fine for narcotics violations, the largest cash money penalty in the 40-year history of the Controlled Substances Act.
  • Spokane police say a man walked into a Taco Bell restaurant at about 8:00 Monday evening, headed straight to the back of the kitchen, and without a word, locked himself inside a large walk-in cooler. Restaurant employees immediately called 911 and police arrived on scene just minutes later. It took police officers an estimated 15 minutes to dismantle the heavy door and pry it open – once inside, they found 42-year-old Richard Thomas dead. Officer Jennifer DeRuwe said there were no obvious signs of trauma. The man was dressed normally and it didn’t appear as if he had died of exposure.
  • According to Louisville Metro Police, a Wal-Mart loss prevention employee reportedly witnessed the couple stuffing a diaper bag and purse full of merchandise around 6:00 p.m. Monday with an infant in tow.

    When the employee confronted the couple, they fled the scene with about $1,300 in stolen items, leaving their 9-month-old infant behind. Kapetanious changed clothes, then came back for her child. The couple was apprehended about 400 yards from the store.

  • Patricia Day, lead singer of the HorrorPops, is suing Mattel and Hard Rock Cafe claiming they stole her likeness in the making of their special-edition Rockabilly Barbie.
  • According to Deputy Chief Marshall Segar, police were called to Shop Rite at 7:20 p.m. after receiving a complaint of a man exposing himself. Segar said Germaine was stopped as he attempted to drive away from the store. Segar said the vehicle contained “a rubber sex toy that resembled male genitalia, a ‘jock’ strap/athletic supporter and a zucchini wrapped in duct tape.”
  • All hail the nano-scientists. A group from the University of Texas, in Dallas, has developed a new technique using nanotubes that can spin yarns out of powders–specifically, powdered boron and magnesium. Though the research is in early stages, one of the coolest possible applications could be wearable power supplies.
  • The first ever vaccine for drug addiction has just been created. By combining a cocaine-like molecule with part of the common cold virus, you get a vaccine that turns the immune system against cocaine, keeping it away from the brain.
  • Some 15,000 gallons of animal fat poured into the channel through a storm drain on Tuesday after an onshore storage tank owned by agricultural company Jacob Sterns and Sons leaked 250,000 gallons of the greasy substance, Brahms said.
  • More than 25% of Kids and Teens in the U.S. Take Prescriptions on a Regular Basis
  • One of psychology’s most respected journals has agreed to publish a paper presenting what its author describes as strong evidence for extrasensory perception, the ability to sense future events.
    The decision may delight believers in so-called paranormal events, but it is already mortifying scientists. Advance copies of the paper, to be published this year in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, have circulated widely among psychological researchers in recent weeks and have generated a mixture of amusement and scorn.
  • He drinks his share of Merlot and hangs out with a crowd of influence peddlers in what’s known as Boehnerland. He’s a frequent flyer on corporate jets and successfully fought a ban on privately funded congressional travel in the 2007 ethics-reform bill. This election cycle alone, special interests have paid for him to take 40 trips worth $158,000. Just hours before his victory speech, he held court at his favorite Washington restaurant, Trattoria Alberto, with his 40 closest friends and advisers, the bulk of whom are corporate lobbyists.
  • A leftover nugget of good news from before the holiday: Congress passed legislation allowing for the creation of hundreds or thousands of new independent, community-based, non-commercial radio stations on American airwaves. Here’s to the “outdated” medium of AM/FM radio becoming a surprise bulwark against the trend of corporate media consolidation.
  • The dispute began after Taylor, who is white, used the phrase the “n” word during the 2007 staff meeting. She said participants at the burial had said the full word “at least a hundred times or more,” according to court records.

    “Does this mean we can finally say the word n-?” Burlington asked colleagues, according to depositions.

    Nicole Wolfe, a producer and one of the three African American employees among the nine people at the meeting, exclaimed: “I can’t believe you just said that!”

    Burlington told Taylor that although he did not necessarily expect her to use the word in her story, he thought that doing so gave the story more credence.

    Burlington says he used the word only once and approached several attendees after the meeting to explain himself. The Daily News account said he had used the word more than a dozen times.

  • The cable said Coca Cola distributor Joerg Hartmann informed embassy officials that trucks were stalled at the crossing if firms did not pay bribes, in a scheme largely run by a high-level Israeli official with the help of others, including two soldiers.

    “Hartmann also alleged that he has been asked to pay as much as 13,000 to 15,000 shekels ($2,889 to $3,333) per truckload, which includes a flat fee plus an additional two shekels per case charge, which is not recorded on the invoice,” the cable said.

  • The video, which we’ve included above, shows several officers confronting an unidentified man in a wheelchair who was allegedly wielding a knife and a chunk of concrete. The department claims the man stabbed an officer earlier and had begun slashing nearby car tires. Shortly after the civilian dropped the knife, officers shot twice, hitting the unidentified suspect in the groin. The victim did not appear to be confined to the wheelchair as officers began forcing him to the ground after being shot.

    A witness can be heard on the video saying, “What the fuck? That was unnecessary.”

    Two of the unidentified officers have been placed on administrative leave, according to radio station KQED.

    The shooting comes one week after officers shot and killed 46-year-old Vinh Bui in the city’s Portola neighborhood.

  • In the annals of modern justice, the Posada trial stands out as one of the most bizarre and disreputable of legal proceedings. The man identified by US intelligence reports as a mastermind of the midair destruction of a Cuban airliner—all seventy-three people on board were killed when the plane plunged into the sea off the coast of Barbados on October 6, 1976—and who publicly bragged about being behind a series of hotel bombings in Havana that killed an Italian businessman, Fabio Di Celmo, is being prosecuted for perjury and fraud, not murder and mayhem. The handling of his case during the Bush years became an international embarrassment and reflected poorly on the willingness and/or abilities of the Justice Department to prosecute crimes of terror when that terrorist was once an agent and ally of America. For the Obama administration, the verdict will carry significant implications for US credibility in the fight against terrorism, as well as for the future of US-Cuban relations.
  • The North Korean government’s official Twitter account has apparently been hacked, with the feed displaying a string of messages derogatory of leader Kim Jong-il and heir apparent Kim Jong-un, the South Korean Yonhap news agency has reported.

    The four most recent messages posted on Saturday morning accuse the ruling family of exploiting the North Korean people to enjoy luxurious lives and develop nuclear arms and missiles.

    One message called for an uprising to kill the Kims “with a sword”.

  • A new edition of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain is being released by NewSouth books with the text censored to remove the word “nigger” and replace it with “slave.” This galling decision has been done, claims Twain expert Alan Gribben, because, “Race matters in these books… It’s a matter of how you express that in the 21st century.”

    I think Mr. Gribben has confused the importance of history and literature with contemporary mores and marketing.

    Being a slave is a matter of current conditions. Being called a nigger is a matter of dehumanizing worldview. One could escape slavery. One could not escape the viral worldview that allowed it. To equate “slave” with “nigger” is to confuse a condition with a method. People were not called niggers because they were slaves. People were called slaves because they were controlled. People were called nigger because, in that worldview, they had no place, never did, and never should.

  • A member of parliament in Iceland who is also a former WikiLeaks volunteer says the US justice department has ordered Twitter to hand over her private messages.

    Birgitta Jonsdottir, an MP for the Movement in Iceland, said last night on Twitter that the “USA government wants to know about all my tweets and more since november 1st 2009. Do they realize I am a member of parliament in Iceland?”

    She said she was starting a legal fight to stop the US getting hold of her messages, after being told by Twitter that a subpoena had been issued. She wrote: “department of justice are requesting twitter to provide the info – I got 10 days to stop it via legal process before twitter hands it over.”

  • The U.S. Justice Department obtained a court order directing Twitter to turn over information about the accounts of activists with ties to Wikileaks, including an Icelandic politician, a legendary Dutch hacker, and a U.S. computer programmer.
  • Police found a black vibrator with gun powder and buck shot inside with cords attached to a trigger, a pink vibrator with the words “Merry X-mas B—-” written on it in black marker, and a cream-coloured vibrator. They also found cords, cables, a tool kit and a drill case with drill pieces inside.

    The women told police that Lester once let slip his plans to give one of his two ex-girlfriends a modified vibrator that would explode when he pulled the trigger.

  • Bite by bite, he tore through vinyl cruiser No. 2502, a 2006 Chevrolet Impala, exposing its fluffy filling, a sheriff’s report states. When he was done with the presumably not-so-tasty treat, he had done about $300 in damage, Deputy Mark Mitchell reported.
    Thanks Patrick Nybakken
  • President Obama is planning to hand the U.S. Commerce Department authority over a forthcoming cybersecurity effort to create an Internet ID for Americans, a White House official said here today.

    It’s “the absolute perfect spot in the U.S. government” to centralize efforts toward creating an “identity ecosystem” for the Internet, White House Cybersecurity Coordinator Howard Schmidt said.

    That news, first reported by CNET, effectively pushes the department to the forefront of the issue, beating out other potential candidates, including the National Security Agency and the Department of Homeland Security. The move also is likely to please privacy and civil-liberties groups that have raised concerns in the past over the dual roles of police and intelligence agencies.

  • The title of this post kind of says it all. As pointed out by blockzuck.com, you can block anyone on Facebook except CEO Mark Zuckerberg. If you try to do it (we did), you’ll get a message saying “General Block failed error: Block failed.”

    This kind of thing is funny, and adds a little personality to the site. But Facebook is getting way too big and culturally important for things like this to continue. In 2005 it was cool for Zuckerberg to have a business card that said “I’m CEO…Bitch.” And we can forgive early Facebook engineers from perusing confidential user data in their leisure time. But it’s time for this company to go through puberty and start acting more like a teenager than a fifth grader. If you want to block Zuckerberg, you should be able to block Zuckerberg.

  • I have been reading up on this strange chapter in the history of Donald Rumsfeld and have learned two things. One, the chemical additive aspartame is very potentially a cancer and brain tumor-causing substance that has no place in our food. And two, the reasons and means by which Rumsfeld helped get it approved are nefarious at best, criminal at worst. And by the way, that medal that Rumsfeld got back in 2004 was the Presidential Medal of Freedom, also awarded to Tommy Franks, George Tenet and that charming warrior L. Paul Bremer. Evidently, “Freedom” means the right to use your powerful friends in Washington to approve your company’s dangerous substance for human consumption and make a fat bonus on the way out the door. So how did aspartame become legal? And more importantly, if it had been rejected multiple times over fears of brain tumors and cancer, why?

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